Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Biography me, oh please Biography me!

"Someone please tell me when to stop dry humping the cash cow".
It's down right ridiculous the people that are cranking out bio-books these days. I have two samples, perhaps one holding more validity than the other.

First, let's look at this lovely business of Fantasia and her new book "Life is not a Fairy Tale". Okay, I GUESS being that she won the American Idoloff, she would be deserving to have a turn in the consumer well with her own little story of how she "made it". These types of inane bio-books ALWAYS have photos and this one is no different. But some of these photos look like they would have been passed over even in the Family Scrapbook, even if it were the ONLY existing photo. Two instances, the first: what the heck is there a picture of the UPS guy who just delivered a package in Fantasia's neighborhood doing in there. Yeah, OK, she is hugging him, but this is wack. There is even some silly caption saying something to the effect of, "Even the UPS man is getting in on the love". Is this some sly attempt at product placement or is Fantasia securing some sort of future for herself in the Package Delivery Empire? Filler anyone? The other photo, albeit a nice warm fuzzy bit, shows three generations of the women in her family but unfortunately her daughter (3 or 4) looks like she just ate a spoonful of medicine and it wasn't going to go down. I would have thought there would have been at least two photos taken of such a memorable moment, but I guess being backstage on "Idol" can be hectic. I wonder if her daughter will grow up with a vanity thorn and loathe her superstar mother for putting that unattractive picture in the book. Something to look out for, say in 20 years. Or will anyone even remember the reign of Fantasia?

Okay, now onto the real complaint.
Ashley Smith has written her untold story called "Unlikely Angel". (Note: Not to be confused with the goofily packaged DVD Unlikely Angel, starring Dolly Parton and Roddy McDowell) Have you figured out who she is yet? Tick tock, tick tock...TIME! She was the Atlanta hostage from earlier this year. Yeah, I don't remember either. But yup, she has a book out, and boy if it were anymore heavy-handed with Christian inspiration she'd be on the cross already. I dare you to read her author bio and not wince at the sheer whorishness of the market she is trying to sell to. Photos? You betcha, ranging from the amber alert sign to her marriage photos to her Christmas photos to her coming out of the shower in a towel photos. Gripping eh? Well, it DOES state that she will devote SOME of the royalties from the book to the victims of this incident. Some? Hmmm? oh, wait, she was a victim too... I get it. Well, this is supposed to be more a story devoted to her getting off crank or something and there are already rumors fluttering about she already knew her abductor. Anyway, this just is another example of the saying that pretty much anyone can get published these days; all it takes is a little walk through the valley of misery or win a contest of Network Proportions to get your story told.

On the upswing, I bought a 6 foot tree for the holidays and it looks swell. Pop in the Holiday Music, swing style and let's have a cocktail!


NC fan said...

Perchance YOU should do a bio. You've got gobs of fodder with all your unprinted mag arts and crazy band tours. Play Kitty for me, Baby!

g7 said...
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